And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
