What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
