you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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