dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
