she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
