Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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