PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
