just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize