Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
