So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Well I just put wine in my tea
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
