Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
