so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
