new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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