Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
vagina is talking i cant
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
