My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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