I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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