my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
