I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
