how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
