thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
