If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
