I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
