haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize