Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
