Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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