Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
