she looked like the before picture.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
