my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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