So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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