Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
