her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
