The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Randomize
