Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I seem to have left my pride at pride
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
