Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You made out with two different species that night
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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