You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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