Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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