peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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