Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
