Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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