I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
