Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
