i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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