i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
