so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
