I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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