Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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