Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
