in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
