i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
