You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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