and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
