so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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