Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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