I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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