i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
