Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
