I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
