can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
