Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
