I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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