I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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