So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
