we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize