i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
