I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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