ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize