Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
