I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You're a waste of cheezeits
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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