I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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