i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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