i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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