I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
