So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
