I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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